its been exactly 12 days since i got back from singapore. and i can't say now weird it feels without jabez around. its like...something's MISSING!!! haha sometimes when i need something i'm about to yell BEZZ!!! but then i remember he's not there..and im like awww :( sighh. oh well. i know bez is having fun in singapore so i'm glad for him!

as for all my other friends/family back home...OMGOODNESS I MISS YOU GUYS! AHHHHH. like no joke. i'm so going back next year just so i can say hi. i think 2 years of not going home is wayy too long haha. here are some memories of what happened in singapore (: if you guys want the rest...GO CHECK FACEBOOK. and if you dont have one already...GET ONE!

so here goes!









i miss you guys!!! (:

I have the best friends in the world :) I dont think I could as for any more than that

you guys are freaking awesome. youve always encouraged me and helped me when I was in really tough situations. you guys are just a call/IM away :) thank you guys for always being there for me when I needed you. you are always there to help and give me advice and always made me feel so much better when ive had a crappy day. when i have troubles with other friends you guys always help
me. when im heartbroken or just made a stupid mistake youve always reprimanded me but in love. becuase of you guys im what i am today :) thank you so much! i love you guyss



<3

anything is they way they are anymore. or right now at least.

I thought i was pretty much okay with it being this way, but i guess i'm really not.
i've always wondered why it had to be this way, why i'm completely shut out.

i don't think i'll ever find the answer, because i think you're the only one who knows. and i know you definitely are NOT going to tell anyone. but sometimes i wish you would. i wish i could talk to you again like we did before...even though the truth is that i never really did talk to you. i guess i just miss that smile on your face, the one you'd give me that would make me smile back at you no matter what.

but then something happened. something that i thought i understood...but i dont anymore. you tried to dissociate yourself from me; tried to act like i never existed, like i was invisible in your eyes. and god, you don't know how much that hurt me. you thought that this way would be better, that it would solve all of your problems and that everyone would act like it never happened, like you did. guess what. it doesnt work as well as you think.

the funny thing is, you talked to me again a second time, but you stopped for reasons that i still haven't figured out. ever since, its like silence. like white noise in the background that i know is there, but i have to act as though it doesnt exist. i see you, and i pretend that you're not there because thats how you wanted it to be. i look through you like you were a sheet of glass. but i actually see you. i act like i dont, but i see you clear as day.

god i want to hate you so much for putting me through so much hurt and confusion. instead i find myself always wanting to encourage you, support you. simply put, to be your friend no matter how you much you dont want me to be.

i dont know how many times i need to apologize. i don't know the reason why i need to apologize. i know nothing. but i'll say it anyway.....

i'm sorry.